Let’s get raw, real, and—most importantly—honest. If you’re a woman in your late 30s or early 40s, you’re probably starting to notice changes that are hard to ignore. They creep up slowly at first: maybe you’re more tired than usual, maybe there’s weight you can’t lose, or you’re wide awake at 3 a.m., heart pounding, feeling like you’re carrying the weight of the world. But you chalk it up to stress, to “getting older,” to needing to try harder.
Then come the mood swings, the brain fog, the sudden urge to snap over things that wouldn’t have bothered you before. And let’s not even get started on the waves of sadness or rage that seem to come out of nowhere. This, my friend, is often the beginning of perimenopause—the chapter of life nobody prepared you for, and that few seem to understand. But here’s the hard truth: nobody else is going to prioritize you during this time if you don’t do it for yourself.
Why Women Are Taught to Put Themselves Last?
Women are masters of holding it all together. For generations, we’ve been the caregivers, the nurturers, the ones who make sure everyone else is okay before checking in with ourselves. You grow up learning to be the good daughter, the devoted partner, the selfless mother. “Put yourself last” is the unspoken rule we carry from a young age, and by the time we hit adulthood, it’s so ingrained that we don’t even question it. But this expectation is costing us our health and happiness.
Think about it: how many times have you ignored your own needs because there was someone else who needed you more? How many times have you pushed aside how tired, overwhelmed, or even resentful you felt because there were things to do, people to care for, and expectations to meet? And when perimenopause hits—when you’re grappling with hormonal chaos, fatigue, weight that won’t shift, and mood swings you can’t control—still we push on. But let me be blunt: this is not sustainable, and it’s not a badge of honor. It’s a recipe for burnout.
You grow up learning to be the good daughter, the devoted partner, the selfless mother. “Put yourself last” is the unspoken rule we carry from a young age, and by the time we hit adulthood, it’s so ingrained that we don’t even question it.
The Perimenopause Reality Check: Why Prioritizing Yourself is Essential
Perimenopause isn’t just a phase. It’s a call to action, a wake-up call that says, “Hey, it’s time to take care of YOU.” Ignoring these symptoms—writing them off as stress or age—is ignoring the fact that your body and mind need real, focused care. If we continue to put ourselves last, we risk deteriorating health, fractured relationships, and losing touch with who we are at our core.
Imagine this scenario: you’re feeling exhausted, but you’ve got a full day planned, a house to manage, a job to excel at, and kids who need you. Your partner comes home and doesn’t quite understand why you’re irritable, why you don’t feel like talking, or why you’re not “yourself.” Maybe they tiptoe around you, or maybe they get defensive, adding fuel to the fire. Meanwhile, your kids look at you, wide-eyed and confused, sensing something’s wrong but not knowing what. You feel misunderstood, isolated, and completely drained—and yet, you plaster on a smile and push through (feeling guilty for your unexplained behavior, of course)
Sound familiar? Many women don’t talk about these moments, but they’re incredibly common. In fact, this is the unspoken experience of countless women going through perimenopause. And here’s the truth: it’s not supposed to be like this. There’s a way to navigate these changes with strength, self-love, and—most importantly—self-prioritization.
Real Struggles Women Face in Prioritizing Themselves
1. The Guilt Complex. You’ve been conditioned to feel guilty every time you put your needs first. Society has taught us that prioritizing ourselves is “selfish.” But let’s get clear here—taking care of your health isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Guilt keeps us trapped, thinking that every moment we spend on ourselves is a moment taken from someone else. But guess what? You can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing your well-being is the most selfless thing you can do, because it allows you to show up fully for the people you care about.
2. The “Superwoman” Expectation. Many of us are caught in the “I-can-do-it-all” mindset. We take pride in multitasking, managing chaos, and being the dependable one. But being Superwoman comes at a price. The weight of trying to be everything for everyone is unsustainable, and perimenopause symptoms only magnify the burnout. If you’re hitting a wall, it’s not because you’re failing—it’s because nobody can operate at full capacity 24/7. Realizing this and shedding that Superwoman cape can be liberating. There’s power in asking for help and setting boundaries.
3. Dismissal by Healthcare Providers. Let’s talk about the frustration of feeling dismissed by medical professionals. When women go to doctors with perimenopause symptoms, they’re often met with a shrug or handed a prescription for antidepressants, as though they’re the problem and not the hormones wreaking havoc in their bodies. The medical system isn’t set up to handle the nuances of female health, and many women are left feeling alone and helpless. But here’s the thing: there are doctors out there who understand and who specialize in women’s health. Don’t settle for being dismissed. Advocate for yourself, and find someone who will work with you to support your journey.
4. Invisible Expectations in Relationships. Often, the people closest to us don’t fully understand what we’re going through, and the lack of support can be heartbreaking. Partners may not realize how much these changes affect us physically and emotionally. Kids, especially younger ones, don’t get why mom is suddenly less patient or more fatigued. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to hide your reality to make others comfortable. Educate your loved ones about what’s happening. Set boundaries. Give yourself permission to show up as you are, and if someone can’t handle it, that’s their journey—not yours.
Actionable Steps for Prioritizing Yourself During Perimenopause
This is the part where you get to take back control. Here are some concrete actions to start making yourself a priority:
1. Acknowledge the Depth of What You’re Experiencing. These changes aren’t “all in your head.” Hormones impact every aspect of your mental and physical health. When you’re feeling off, know that it’s real, and it deserves attention. Don’t minimize or brush off your symptoms. Embrace them as signals that your body is giving you, and respond accordingly.
2. Educate and Set Boundaries with Loved OnesStart conversations with those closest to you about what’s happening. Educate them on the impact of perimenopause and hormonal shifts. Let them know that some days may be harder than others and that you’ll need their patience and understanding. Boundaries don’t have to be walls—they’re simply ways to protect your peace and energy.
3. Advocate for Your HealthIf your healthcare provider isn’t giving you the support you need, find one who will. Women’s health specialists, naturopaths, and hormone-focused practitioners are often more in tune with what women experience during perimenopause. Don’t settle for feeling dismissed—seek the care you deserve.
4. Set Non-Negotiable “Me” TimeThis isn’t optional; it’s necessary. Set aside time each week that’s just for you. Whether it’s a long walk, a yoga session, or simply a quiet moment to journal, treat this as sacred. Your mental health and sanity depend on it. Remember, this isn’t time you’re “taking away” from anyone—it’s time you’re giving to yourself, so you can show up as the best version of you.
5. Release the Need to Be PerfectPerimenopause is messy. It’s unpredictable. And it’s okay if you’re not handling it “perfectly.” Release the need to perform, to be flawless, to meet everyone’s expectations. Show up as you are, unapologetically. If that means letting people down, so be it. Prioritizing yourself means making peace with imperfection.
Final Thoughts: Perimenopause as a Time of Reclamation
Perimenopause is challenging, yes, but it’s also an opportunity. It’s a chance to reclaim the parts of yourself that you’ve given away over the years. It’s a time to stop apologizing, stop explaining, and start embracing who you are in all your complexity.
If you’ve been waiting for permission to prioritize yourself, consider this it.
Prioritizing yourself during perimenopause isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Your health, your well-being, and your life depend on it. And remember, you’re not alone. There are countless women walking this path with you, facing the same struggles, and rising above them.
Let’s support each other, honor our needs, and stop pretending we’re fine when we’re not. It’s time to choose you!
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