Let’s get something straight right off the bat: aging is not a shameful act. Wrinkles, gray hair, and changing bodies are not failures or reasons to hide. They are badges of honor—a life lived, wisdom earned, battles fought, and stories written. Yet here we are, in a world that makes us feel like growing older is something to apologize for.
So, what are we going to do about this so-called shame? Spoiler alert: we’re not going to buy into it.
Where Does This “Shame” Come From?
From a young age, society tells us that beauty is tied to youth. Ads glorify smooth, flawless skin, thick hair, and wrinkle-free faces. Social media filters away every sign of a lived-in face. The anti-aging industry, worth billions, thrives on the fear of losing these traits. It whispers (or yells) that as soon as you start “showing your age,” you’re less valuable, less visible, less worthy.
Author J. Brooks Bouson, in her book Shame and the Aging Woman, describes how ageism devalues and damages the identities of older women in our graying culture. She explains that older women often feel shame about the visible signs of aging and the appearance of their bodies as they undergo the normal processes of bodily aging.
This narrative is not just theoretical; it’s lived and challenged by many. Take Andie MacDowell, for example. At 66, she has rejected Hollywood's unrealistic body and beauty standards. After a frustrating dress fitting, she realized she no longer wants to starve herself to lose a few pounds, emphasizing the importance of comfort and health over unattainable ideals.
I mean, if a former model like her gets hit by “aging-shame,” what’s left for the rest of us? Lol!
Conversations with my clients are not only about stubborn weight. The women I talk to are struggling with muscle loss, arthritis, insulin resistance, edema, mental health issues, lack of concentration, and lack of sleep—all caused by hormonal decline. And on top of that, they are receiving societal age-shaming, the pressure to dye their gray hair, fill up their wrinkles, and cover up their “old-looking” skin. Give women a rest, for crying out loud! No wonder we struggle so much with adrenal fatigue!
If we allow our environment to poison us into hating our aging appearance, girl, we may be facing even bigger problems than just perimenopause and hormonal decline.
How This Shame Hurts Us
This narrative of shame isn’t just insulting—it’s harmful. Here’s why:
Emotionally: It creates anxiety, self-doubt, and low self-esteem, making women feel they need to hide or “fix” themselves. Constantly striving to meet unattainable standards can lead to chronic stress and mental health issues. And if you’ve been reading my blog articles, you already know the impact of high cortisol on our hormonal health.
Physically: The pressure to look young drives women toward drastic measures, like invasive beauty treatments or excessive dieting, which can harm our health. Many beauty products contain endocrine-disrupting chemicals (EDCs) that interfere with our hormonal systems. These substances, found in items like skin creams, hair dyes, and makeup, can mimic or block natural hormones, leading to issues such as reproductive disorders, metabolic problems, and even cancer. By exposing ourselves to these chemicals, we not only risk physical complications but also divert attention from genuine well-being, focusing instead on superficial fixes that may cause more harm than good.
Financially: Let’s not forget the cost of chasing an illusion. Beauty products, cosmetic procedures, and endless regimens don’t come cheap. The anti-aging industry profits immensely from our insecurities, diverting resources that could be invested in more fulfilling pursuits.
Worse yet, it distracts us from what truly matters: our health, our passions, our relationships, and our well-being.
We should be guided to prioritize hormonal health, nourish ourselves with real food, stay active, and make mindfulness part of our lives. When we feel good from the inside out, our confidence and well-nourished bodies will radiate far brighter than any cream or filler ever could.
What It Takes to Regain Confidence and See Ourselves as Wise, Empowered Women Who Need Nothing to Be Fixed
So, what can we do? How do we break free from the chains of this shame?
Shift the Narrative: It starts with how we talk about aging. Instead of fearing wrinkles, let’s celebrate them as a map of laughter, tears, and everything in between. Gray hair? That’s your crown. A softer body? It’s carried you through decades of life. Let’s normalize aging as a beautiful, inevitable process that we don’t need to fight but embrace.
Focus on Health, Not Looks: Personally, I don’t want to age “gracefully”; I want to transcend as I grow old, taking care of my body, mind, and soul. We should be guided to prioritize hormonal health, nourish ourselves with real food, stay active, and make mindfulness part of our lives. When we feel good from the inside out, our confidence and well-nourished bodies will radiate far brighter than any cream or filler ever could.
Call Out Unrealistic Standards: When you see an ad, post, or message that preys on the fear of aging, call it out—for yourself and for other women. Normalize showing unfiltered, real-life beauty. We don’t owe anyone perfection.
Redefine Beauty for Yourself: Beauty is about more than smooth skin or a certain size. It’s about kindness, confidence, wisdom, and authenticity. Aging doesn’t take those things away—it amplifies them. Decide for yourself what beauty means, and live by that definition.
In my experience, it took me a while to get used to seeing my skin without three layers of foundation, but it was totally worth it! The health of my skin improved, and I detoxed myself from the impact of endocrine disruptors. But don’t think I don’t use cosmetics—I do. The ones I use are natural, locally produced to avoid chemicals like preservatives and perfumes that increase shelf life but harm our health.
Redefining beauty doesn’t mean you can’t wear makeup or care about your appearance; it means questioning why you’re doing it. Is it to meet external standards or because you love how you feel? We should also demand safer products that don’t harm our health. Good news: today, there are great options!
Support One Another: We’re stronger together. Let’s stop judging ourselves and other women for aging and start lifting each other up. Share your experiences, your struggles, and your triumphs. By doing so, we create a community where shame has no place.
Aging Is a Privilege
Here’s a truth bomb: the alternative to aging is not living long enough to do it. Wrinkles, gray hair, and all the changes that come with age are privileges denied to so many…have you ever thought about that?
Me neither, until the thought hit me! So, let’s honor the journey of getting older, instead of letting society trick us into dreading it.
So, what are we going to do with the “shame” of getting old?
We’re going to reject it.
Challenge it.
Bury it.
And we’re going to replace it with PRIDE, JOY, and GRATITUDE for the privilege of growing into our fullest selves.
What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop them in the comments. Let’s keep this conversation going because it’s time we reclaimed aging for what it truly is: a gift.
See you next week!
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